Invasion by Luca S 19/02/2018

I crouched down beside the glowing embers of the enemy’s fire. Something told me that they weren’t the nicest people. If they saw me, then I was dead. I shuffled closer to get a better view of the figures. It was almost like they weren’t there at all. They dissolved into the shadows and suddenly reappeared again. Just then, a twig snapped under my foot. I cursed. They slowly turned their heads to me. Only then did I get a good view of them. They were armed with long swords.”Yes,” hissed the ninja in the middle. “We’ve been expecting you.”.

2 thoughts on “Invasion by Luca S 19/02/2018”

  1. Hi Lucas,

    Wow! You have used some brilliant verbs in your story that make it really interesting to read, and also show the reader what is happening, rather than telling them – an excellent skill! You have also made good use of different sentence lengths and types – particularly the short sentence ‘I cursed’ which builds tension by stopping the flow of the reader.
    One thing I would suggest for building tension even more is splitting your paragraph up a little – for example, you could try ‘I cursed’ as a (very!) short paragraph and see what the effect is…

    Thank you for entering the 100WC
    Best wishes,
    Mel Wells (Team100)
    Somerset, UK

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